The Waiting Game

Okay, so as I mentioned before, tomorrow I have my first x-ray in almost two years!  Now, usually, I don't get too wound up about the appointment since I've pretty much come to terms with the fact that there's nothing I can do about what they tell me.  I'm a HUGE believer in signs, especially when it comes to my back, so I typically lead with the thought that whatever is next for me, even if it's surgery, I will do it because the time is right, not because it's what I'm told to do.  I have spent the past 5 years avoiding surgery against all of my doctors wishes.  The time was not right for me--I was not ready to give in without trying other things.  I've been living like this for a long time but this time, this time feels different.  I can't remember the last time I was this anxious and scared for a check-up.  I'm not sure if any of you have ever felt your back get worse, ever woken up one morning and been aware of your curves a little more than usual.  Well, that is how I've been feeling a lot lately.  I get up in the morning sometimes and feel as if I can't fully stand up straight, and if you know what this feels like, you know just how terrifying it can be.  I try to attribute it to something, too long of a car ride, too long of a shift at work, or too much walking, but the truth is, my back has a mind of it's own, and it's finally catching up to the mind I have that thinks I'm invincible. 

So, I'm going in to tomorrow's appointment with my typical optimistic attitude, but I have the thought in the back of my mind that now might be the time that I have to start confronting the idea of surgery.  I don't regret waiting--I'm stronger than ever, mentally and physically, I'm done growing, and I've tried so many things that I know I will not look back and wish I had done something else.  Any one else struggle with this decision?  It often seems as if anyone with scoliosis just gets the surgery and never thinks twice.  But then again, I'm the one that says we're all different right?? :P

Wish me luck! I'll be sure to update you guys soon!

"If you don't like something change it; if you can't change it, change the way you think about it." ~Mary Engelbreit